Oh so sick...

Dear baby, Mommy is so very sick, and so very tired... It is all so worth it though. The thought of you growing healthy and strong, makes it worth it. I hope the next 32 weeks just fly by. I'm so excited to hold you, to show you to Mike, Lando', Lexi, and Daddy. You are already loved by so many angel baby. I love you sweet baby. In the meantime, while we wait, I pray I get feeling better soon so that I'm able to keep doing all the 'mommy-stuff' I need to. It's really hard taking care of the other 3, when I'm so tired and so sick. I pray for patience on everyone's part. It's hard for me, it's hard for daddy, it's hard for your brothers and sister. I'm just sick, and moving extra slow (or moving at all). Like I said though, worth it :)

Ultrasound picture

Today I woke up and looked at your ultrasound picture, I smiled and felt happy tears coming to the surface. I can't wait to show the picture to Mike, Lando and Lexi. You are indeed a miracle baby, already giving us 2 scares, yet continuing to fight for life :). Maybe your hawaiian name will have something about a 'fighter' in it... I love you baby. I'm so excited you decided to come to our family. I feel so blessed. I love love love you little one! AS for now, mommy slurping down a yummy fruit smoothie, so you'll have lots of good nutrients to keep you growing healthy and strong!

Ultrasound TAKE 2

Today was our second ultrasound.... the ultrasound to confirm that nothing was there. However, a miracle happened. A tender mercy from our heavenly father. The Dr looked around for a few seconds... nothing, then he tilted the ultrasound just a little and there you were, your sweet little heart just a beating. I was in 'happy' shock, and daddy cried happy tears. What a blessing it is/was to see your sweet little healthy heart just a beating away. You had already began to form. We had told everyone we didn't think you would be there, but instead you surprised us. A wise woman last week said 'maybe monday there will be a nice little surprise waiting for you.' And today there you were. I am so happy, so happy. I feel so blessed. I'll scan the ultrasound pictures as soon as I can. For now, because we didn't expect things to go the way they did-- Mike, Landon, and Lexi are all in Idaho, I am going to hit the hay and take a little nap. I feel so blessed, I am so grateful for the love, support, phone calls, texts, facebook messages, that i recieved this week. It was indeed the most emotionally challenging week for me-- only to end with a smile :). So happy! Love you angel baby :) **Also, we were measuring right on track. 7 weeks-- due Jan 30 2012 :).

Dearest Baby....

I never imagined I'd say goodbye, before even saying hello. Today I miss you. But the thought of you being wrapped in the love of our savior's arms, brings me happiness. I'm grateful I was able to be your mommy :) Til we meet angel baby, know mommy loves you!!!

** We don't know this for sure, but Jared and I are both positive you have returned to heaven. The body signals have started to tell me this is what happened..Monday we find out for sure. Love you angel baby :)


For the rest of the world... and for documentation.. here's what happened...
** The last question asked in this article is "What about another" And I know many of you are curious. I appreciate your love... but wanted to let you know, it's been an emotional year trying to concieve, and this experiance has forever changed me... So with that, I need some 'normal' time for awhile.. and I (with the loving support of Jared) have decided to wait awhile. To enjoy our 3, and then see where life takes us. So for now, we are putting it off for a bit. I know there are many opinions on this, but this is what we feel is best for our family.

Thank you again for your love and support you have shown to us during this experience.

Blighted Ovum

A blighted ovum is a condition in which the fertilized egg simply does not develop into an embryo. It will result in miscarriage. It has stopped developing very early on or it may just never form at all. In either case, your body doesn't realize this and continues to prepare for the baby. In fact, if you have a blighted ovum, you are still likely to test positive during a pregnancy test.

Many women will experience symptoms of pregnancy such as sore breasts, nausea, and feeling tired. This is because the placenta has begun to develop. Increased levels of hormones are present in the body and usually will not reside for a few months up to the third month.

Then What?

When in fact you do have a blighted ovum, your body will realize this and begin to recede in development. You may or may not find a reddish brown staining. You can bleed and have cramps. Cramps that are very strong should be brought up to the doctor.

How Will The Doctor Know?

If you have these signs early on in your pregnancy, the doctor will perform a physical. If he can not find the baby's heartbeat, he will request an ultrasound to be done. It will then show an empty gestational sac.

At this point, you are likely to miscarry. Your body will handle it naturally but if you are in any danger of infection, heavy bleeding or other conditions, the doctor can perform a procedure to remove the sac.

One of the most difficult aspects of the blighted ovum is the emotional loss that you will endure. Counseling should be sought.

What About Another?

In most cases, there is no reason that you can not try to conceive again. You will likely have a normal period within four to six weeks of the miscarriage. Some doctors will say it is okay to try to conceive at this point while others tell you to wait another cycle.

Baby

Today I feel...I feel weak, exhausted, and really tired. The morning pukes were there, which I'm going to say is a hopeful thing. I just feel crampy too, which isn't good. Still not sure what to feel. Sigh, I think I might go crawl back into bed.... Jared got the kids breakfast this morning, and they are now in the kitchen making their own 'cheese tacos' I feel like a bad mom. I'm just drained emotionally and physically.... Dad sent me a nice text message saying he was praying for us today. It meant alot. I'm just exhausted....

Ultrasound day

Sigh... cry... sigh... I can honestly say today didn't go as planned. The kiddos, dad, and I packed in the car and headed to Circle of Life. The kiddos played on their indoor playground while I checked in and got all registered. Dr. Alejo visited with us, and then it was ultrasound time.... Gestastional sac.... check... yolk sac, none. baby--nobaby...... Dr. Alejo checked again... Still no yolk sac, and no baby. Numb, I felt numb. Shocked. I didn't know what to think. He commented it might just be too early. But to come back in a week and see what's going on. I just feel so numb. I don't know whether to cry or be hopeful. I am sad, but still want to be hopeful. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel..... I'm numb. I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like anything. I ache, but I still want to be hopeful. I'm just numb. So for now, and in this moment,nobody knows but dad and I. The other kiddos are too little to fully understand what is going on. I just feel numb. I pray this week will go by fast....New Ultrasound on Monday will confirm if there is no baby, and what we need to do to terminate... or will tell us if there is a viable baby.

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/diagnosingpregnancyloss/f/noyolksac.htm


My heart is just so heavy... Yesterday daddy and I were talking about names... Hudson, Malia, Alana.... Lots of girl names and only 1 boy name... and today now the thought of you not being there, nor having ever been there... is so painful. I'm trying to be optimistic becuase like Dr. Alejo said it could just be too early to see anything (the internet confirmed this fact). But, in the mean time my heart hurts. I hope I can somehow find my happy face for this week, and can be a good mom to the three I have.... I'll really have to pray for extra patience, extra love, extra guidance this week. Maybe even a blessing. I hurt. Just to many unknowns... cry, cry, cry....

A little sick and tired.....

This pregnancy so far has been SO different. With Michael and Lexi, at this stage in my pregnancy would be the time where I would be carrying around my trusty 'barf bucket'. Man, I was so sick. With Landon, I was just really tired... which worked out well since Mike was so little and taking two naps a day, I could nap right along with him.... This time around... the kiddos are older, and even sneaking in a 'quiet time' is difficult. But I make them watch a movie EVERYday after lunch, as by lunch time my eyes are so heavy... I seriously can't make it through the day without a nap. Thankfully they are all willing to watch a movie, so I can lie on the couch for a minute... I'm just oh-so-tired this time! As far as sickness, it hasn't been to bad. I have HUGES waves of nausea... but have only had to use 'the bucket' one time, which is nice... I feel like I've already 'popped' must be the 4th kid? And everything is 'pre-stretched out!' And I seem to have already gained 6lbs... yah, like a pound a week that you've been in there... So I know I need to make sure I keep up with my running, and maybe watch better what I eat. Since Dad and I will be running a 5k together on the 4th of July :). Love you angel baby, and can't wait to see you on ultrasound tomorrow. I almost feel like it's christmas, as we've waited and hoped for you for such a long time! :)

Another week

Another week has gone by, and I think about you everyday. I honestly can't wait to just snuggle you! How grateful I am that you are growing and growing, probably about 1/3 of an inch now :). So tiny, so precious, so loved. Our first apt with Dr. Alejo is on Monday, I can't wait to see you on the ultrasound. I look forward to seeing your healthy beating heart! :) Love you angel :)